As many of you know, I am a big Ian Somerhalder fan and am going to actually get to meet him at Dragoncon at the end of August. Obviously, I am very excited about this. So, since I am a dork at heart, I have been doing more research on Ian. I follow him on twitter, he is a great tweeter, by the way. He makes you feel like he is talking directly to you, or maybe that's just my imagination. LOL
Anyway, in reading more about him and his interests, I found out about this great foundation that he has created and seems to be very involved in, The IS Foundation. He has been tweeting recently about this Animal Sanctuary that they want to open. You can read more about it here
http://www.isfoundation.com/campaign/isf-animal-sanctuary
The basic idea seems to be to give abused and neglected animals a safe haven. But, what makes this Animal Sanctuary different from others out there is that they plan to help children at the same time they are helping the animals. They plan to have bullies come to the sanctuary and the goal is to help the bullies learn compassion through helping the animals. I think this is a great idea. But, as most of you know, I have to have a "but".
But, I just hope while they are planning this Animal Sanctuary/Bully Reformation, they do not make it a "reward" for bullies. What I mean by this is that a kid who is a bully gets to take a vacation to this sanctuary and play with animals. I hope this is considered and they come up with a way to make it work without it being a "reward". I don't have an answer as to how they could do it. I just hope it is considered. Maybe that's something I can ask him when I see him...
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Abusive Relationships
The first thing I want to say is that if you have never been in an abusive relationship, DO NOT think that you can judge a person that is in one.
This morning, at the gym, these two women were talking about one of the women's granddaughter's and how her husband had beat her up again and she was staying at her daughter's house. They were saying how they just didn't understand how she could let something like that happen to her. And it wasn't the 1st time. Of course not, no one ever knows about the 1st time! If it were them, they wouldn't put up with that crap and they'd call the cops and have his butt in jail! Yeah, right! Again, you don't know shit! I told them so, too! I told the one lady whose granddaughter they were discussing that she should be ashamed of herself for talking about her granddaughter like that! That she doesn't know all the details and probably never will. I told her that what she needs to do is let her know that she is there for her granddaughter when she needs her and she WILL need her again! I told her that no matter how many times she leaves him and goes back to make sure that she always knows she has a place to go because eventually, hopefully, she will get the courage to leave him for good! Then, I left!
It felt good for me to tell her off! I hope some of what I said sank in. But, as I sat in the van in the parking lot, tears streaming down my face, I could only think of that girl. My heart breaks for her. I know what she is going through. I know she is probably sitting at her mother's dining room table crying her eyes out in confusion as to what to do. I hope she can gather the courage to make this the last time. But, it probably won't be. He'll come crying to her. Begging her to come back. He'll take anger management classes, he'll never do it again, he loves her!
Here's my story. Mine ended in 1996, but I can still see and recall things that were done and said as if they happened yesterday. It's true what they say. Bruises fade, but words last a lifetime. Maybe as you read it, you'll get a better understanding that the women in abusive relationships are not stupid. They didn't get that way overnight and it's not so easy to get help...
Mine started in high school. Although, it wasn't "abusive" then. But, that's when it started because it was my senior year of high school that I met him. I was taking AP classes, getting good grades and working towards going to college to be a doctor. If you know me now, you know that I am not a doctor. Teenage stupidity got in the way and I ran away with him. In school, he slowly began to separate me from my friends. "She's a whore, you shouldn't be seen with her." A lot of my friends were guys, so I couldn't hang out with them. He was too jealous. So, eventually, all I had was him. 3 weeks before graduation...."Let's run away together. We can get married. I'll take care of you. It'll be wonderful!"
So, there you have it. His 1st step complete. I had no friends, no family and no job. Shortly after we were married, I got pregnant. He began step 2, breaking my self esteem down even further. I had always been skinny maybe 110 lbs. When I got pregnant, I gained a lot of weight. So, now, he was able to call me fat and ugly. I better be glad I had him because sure as hell no one else would want me. After I had the baby, I was 18, so I lost all the weight immediately. So, he could just call me ugly & a slut. Although, I never cheated on him, I was a slut. Go figure!
Once I was good and broken mentally, step 3, the physical step began. Don't think my being pregnant made him stop either. He was not above throwing me across a room or threatening me with a wire coat hanger to give me a quick abortion. Of course, it was all my fault too. If I hadn't looked at that guy walking in front of our car at the gas station, if I hadn't mentioned that Jason Preistley looked hot in the latest episode of 90210 to the girl that told him I said so, if my sister's husband hadn't shown up at her baby shower that I told him would have no men...it was all my fault...
I think I must have left him at least 4 or 5 times. Each time, he would convince me to come back and things would be great for a week maybe a month, if I was lucky. One time, when he was trying to make it work, we went out to a club with some of his friends. On the way back from the bathroom, a guy stopped to try to say hi to me. When I got back to the table, I could tell by the look on his face that he had seen. I immediately got scared. Then, out of no where, he throws a basket of wings across the table at me. Some of them hit the guy behind me and the bartender comes over and tells everyone to calm down and asks me if I'm ok. I tell him that I'm fine. But, I know that I'm not fine. He just made it worse by asking. I just sit there embarrassed as everyone is looking at me including his friends and their girlfriends that are with us. Finally, we leave and everyone goes over to one couple's house. The fighting begins in the car on the way to their house. I just want to go home and get it over with. But, he's a skilled driver. He manages to drive and beat the shit out of me at the same time. Finally, we reach the couple's house, everyone else is already inside. I run out of the car to get away from him. But, he jumps out and grabs me. He flings me so hard into the side of the car. I feel my collarbone break instantly. So, I just sink to the ground. Maybe if I don't move he'll stop. Telling me to compose myself, he pushes me inside the house. I tell him that my collarbone is broken and I can feel it moving under my skin. He doesn't care. So, I sit on the couch and try not to move while him and his friends smoke their pot and drink their beer. That night, I manage not to have to sleep in the bed with him. Laying on the floor, I try to reset the bones back together. They never did heal right. But, in the morning, he assured me he was sorry and that he loved me and that it would never happen again. I left that morning...but I came back a few days later.
Another instance that I mentioned above was from my sister's baby shower. He asked me if there would be any men there, I assured him there wouldn't be because my sister told me there wouldn't. That afternoon when I got home, he grilled me about the shower. What did we talk about? Who was there? I told him all the girls that were there. He must have seen that I wasn't telling him everything because he immediately grabbed me by the throat and began choking me up against the nearest wall. I told him that my sister's husband and his friend showed up at the end of the shower. He released me and said he knew I was lying. Why did I have to lie to him? Duh! So, things like this didn't happen. Then, he snapped and put me in a head lock. I remember the feeling of going weak. So weak from lack of oxygen to my brain and lungs. I couldn't breathe. This was it, I was finally going to die. I wasn't afraid, I was actually relieved. But, the next thing I knew, I woke up on the couch with him leaning over me crying. I don't know if I died and came back, I don't know if I just passed out. I'll never know. It doesn't matter. I left the next morning...but I came back a few days later.
I used to pray to God to give me a life threatening disease like Cancer so that I could just be done with it all. Or I wished I had the strength to kill him. Certainly, jail would be better than this. I came close a couple of times too. I had a gun pointed at him at least twice, but I never could pull the trigger. Was I too weak? Did God keep me from doing it because he knew eventually, I would make it out of this relationship alive?
The point is, if you know someone in an abusive relationship, don't let them feel alone. Let them know that you are there for them if and when they need you, no matter how many times they need you. I was able to get away because one of the times I left him, I got a job. That gave me some independence and I was able to make friends at work. I became very good friends with one of the girls at work and was able to confide in her. After one of our fights, he agreed to leave. We were split up and this friend asked me to go to Tampa with her to visit her boyfriend. He had a roommate that she wanted me to meet. So, we went for the weekend. It was fun and he was a nice guy. He was 12 years older than me. But, a very nice guy that had 2 kids of his own.
When I got back to town, my husband found out I had left for the weekend. He came over that night. I tried not to let him in, but he broke through the door. He was asking me where I was and what happened while I was gone. I told him it was none of his business. But, of course, that just made him madder. When he finally left, I was able to call the cops. Surely with us being split up they could do something and I still had his boot print on my face, so I had marks to show. The cops showed up, took the report and told me that since we had a child and there was no documented history of abuse, it would probably be hard for me to get a restraining order. They couldn't charge him with rape because we were married. Since, the boot print was mostly dirt and wiped away and he was no longer there, they couldn't do anything that night. It was so frustrating to know that there was nothing I could do.
But, this time, I was determined not to let it happen again. I was going to get away from him. I had a job and friends and I COULD do this. The next day at work, I told my friend what happened the night before. She had me and my son come over to her house and stay with her until I could figure out what to do. So, I called the battered women's shelter. They said that unless I had bruises to show, they could not let me stay there. I had a few on my back from his raping me on the floor. But, they said it wasn't enough. I didn't know what to do. My family wasn't speaking to me because I had gone back to him too many times for them. But, I had to get away.
So, my friend and I called her boyfriend and the guy in Tampa agreed to let me and my son stay there. Tampa! Perfect! It was far enough away that he wouldn't be able to find me and convince me to take him back. So, I packed up what I could fit in the car and went to Tampa. That's where I filed for divorce and finally became free of my nightmare!
That was MY way of getting away! If you know someone in an abusive relationship they have a way to get away, a way that they will feel strong enough to be able to finally break free. You just have to help them find THAT WAY!
This morning, at the gym, these two women were talking about one of the women's granddaughter's and how her husband had beat her up again and she was staying at her daughter's house. They were saying how they just didn't understand how she could let something like that happen to her. And it wasn't the 1st time. Of course not, no one ever knows about the 1st time! If it were them, they wouldn't put up with that crap and they'd call the cops and have his butt in jail! Yeah, right! Again, you don't know shit! I told them so, too! I told the one lady whose granddaughter they were discussing that she should be ashamed of herself for talking about her granddaughter like that! That she doesn't know all the details and probably never will. I told her that what she needs to do is let her know that she is there for her granddaughter when she needs her and she WILL need her again! I told her that no matter how many times she leaves him and goes back to make sure that she always knows she has a place to go because eventually, hopefully, she will get the courage to leave him for good! Then, I left!
It felt good for me to tell her off! I hope some of what I said sank in. But, as I sat in the van in the parking lot, tears streaming down my face, I could only think of that girl. My heart breaks for her. I know what she is going through. I know she is probably sitting at her mother's dining room table crying her eyes out in confusion as to what to do. I hope she can gather the courage to make this the last time. But, it probably won't be. He'll come crying to her. Begging her to come back. He'll take anger management classes, he'll never do it again, he loves her!
Here's my story. Mine ended in 1996, but I can still see and recall things that were done and said as if they happened yesterday. It's true what they say. Bruises fade, but words last a lifetime. Maybe as you read it, you'll get a better understanding that the women in abusive relationships are not stupid. They didn't get that way overnight and it's not so easy to get help...
Mine started in high school. Although, it wasn't "abusive" then. But, that's when it started because it was my senior year of high school that I met him. I was taking AP classes, getting good grades and working towards going to college to be a doctor. If you know me now, you know that I am not a doctor. Teenage stupidity got in the way and I ran away with him. In school, he slowly began to separate me from my friends. "She's a whore, you shouldn't be seen with her." A lot of my friends were guys, so I couldn't hang out with them. He was too jealous. So, eventually, all I had was him. 3 weeks before graduation...."Let's run away together. We can get married. I'll take care of you. It'll be wonderful!"
So, there you have it. His 1st step complete. I had no friends, no family and no job. Shortly after we were married, I got pregnant. He began step 2, breaking my self esteem down even further. I had always been skinny maybe 110 lbs. When I got pregnant, I gained a lot of weight. So, now, he was able to call me fat and ugly. I better be glad I had him because sure as hell no one else would want me. After I had the baby, I was 18, so I lost all the weight immediately. So, he could just call me ugly & a slut. Although, I never cheated on him, I was a slut. Go figure!
Once I was good and broken mentally, step 3, the physical step began. Don't think my being pregnant made him stop either. He was not above throwing me across a room or threatening me with a wire coat hanger to give me a quick abortion. Of course, it was all my fault too. If I hadn't looked at that guy walking in front of our car at the gas station, if I hadn't mentioned that Jason Preistley looked hot in the latest episode of 90210 to the girl that told him I said so, if my sister's husband hadn't shown up at her baby shower that I told him would have no men...it was all my fault...
I think I must have left him at least 4 or 5 times. Each time, he would convince me to come back and things would be great for a week maybe a month, if I was lucky. One time, when he was trying to make it work, we went out to a club with some of his friends. On the way back from the bathroom, a guy stopped to try to say hi to me. When I got back to the table, I could tell by the look on his face that he had seen. I immediately got scared. Then, out of no where, he throws a basket of wings across the table at me. Some of them hit the guy behind me and the bartender comes over and tells everyone to calm down and asks me if I'm ok. I tell him that I'm fine. But, I know that I'm not fine. He just made it worse by asking. I just sit there embarrassed as everyone is looking at me including his friends and their girlfriends that are with us. Finally, we leave and everyone goes over to one couple's house. The fighting begins in the car on the way to their house. I just want to go home and get it over with. But, he's a skilled driver. He manages to drive and beat the shit out of me at the same time. Finally, we reach the couple's house, everyone else is already inside. I run out of the car to get away from him. But, he jumps out and grabs me. He flings me so hard into the side of the car. I feel my collarbone break instantly. So, I just sink to the ground. Maybe if I don't move he'll stop. Telling me to compose myself, he pushes me inside the house. I tell him that my collarbone is broken and I can feel it moving under my skin. He doesn't care. So, I sit on the couch and try not to move while him and his friends smoke their pot and drink their beer. That night, I manage not to have to sleep in the bed with him. Laying on the floor, I try to reset the bones back together. They never did heal right. But, in the morning, he assured me he was sorry and that he loved me and that it would never happen again. I left that morning...but I came back a few days later.
Another instance that I mentioned above was from my sister's baby shower. He asked me if there would be any men there, I assured him there wouldn't be because my sister told me there wouldn't. That afternoon when I got home, he grilled me about the shower. What did we talk about? Who was there? I told him all the girls that were there. He must have seen that I wasn't telling him everything because he immediately grabbed me by the throat and began choking me up against the nearest wall. I told him that my sister's husband and his friend showed up at the end of the shower. He released me and said he knew I was lying. Why did I have to lie to him? Duh! So, things like this didn't happen. Then, he snapped and put me in a head lock. I remember the feeling of going weak. So weak from lack of oxygen to my brain and lungs. I couldn't breathe. This was it, I was finally going to die. I wasn't afraid, I was actually relieved. But, the next thing I knew, I woke up on the couch with him leaning over me crying. I don't know if I died and came back, I don't know if I just passed out. I'll never know. It doesn't matter. I left the next morning...but I came back a few days later.
I used to pray to God to give me a life threatening disease like Cancer so that I could just be done with it all. Or I wished I had the strength to kill him. Certainly, jail would be better than this. I came close a couple of times too. I had a gun pointed at him at least twice, but I never could pull the trigger. Was I too weak? Did God keep me from doing it because he knew eventually, I would make it out of this relationship alive?
The point is, if you know someone in an abusive relationship, don't let them feel alone. Let them know that you are there for them if and when they need you, no matter how many times they need you. I was able to get away because one of the times I left him, I got a job. That gave me some independence and I was able to make friends at work. I became very good friends with one of the girls at work and was able to confide in her. After one of our fights, he agreed to leave. We were split up and this friend asked me to go to Tampa with her to visit her boyfriend. He had a roommate that she wanted me to meet. So, we went for the weekend. It was fun and he was a nice guy. He was 12 years older than me. But, a very nice guy that had 2 kids of his own.
When I got back to town, my husband found out I had left for the weekend. He came over that night. I tried not to let him in, but he broke through the door. He was asking me where I was and what happened while I was gone. I told him it was none of his business. But, of course, that just made him madder. When he finally left, I was able to call the cops. Surely with us being split up they could do something and I still had his boot print on my face, so I had marks to show. The cops showed up, took the report and told me that since we had a child and there was no documented history of abuse, it would probably be hard for me to get a restraining order. They couldn't charge him with rape because we were married. Since, the boot print was mostly dirt and wiped away and he was no longer there, they couldn't do anything that night. It was so frustrating to know that there was nothing I could do.
But, this time, I was determined not to let it happen again. I was going to get away from him. I had a job and friends and I COULD do this. The next day at work, I told my friend what happened the night before. She had me and my son come over to her house and stay with her until I could figure out what to do. So, I called the battered women's shelter. They said that unless I had bruises to show, they could not let me stay there. I had a few on my back from his raping me on the floor. But, they said it wasn't enough. I didn't know what to do. My family wasn't speaking to me because I had gone back to him too many times for them. But, I had to get away.
So, my friend and I called her boyfriend and the guy in Tampa agreed to let me and my son stay there. Tampa! Perfect! It was far enough away that he wouldn't be able to find me and convince me to take him back. So, I packed up what I could fit in the car and went to Tampa. That's where I filed for divorce and finally became free of my nightmare!
That was MY way of getting away! If you know someone in an abusive relationship they have a way to get away, a way that they will feel strong enough to be able to finally break free. You just have to help them find THAT WAY!
Friday, June 8, 2012
Blogger App!
I'm super excited that I found out that Blogger has an app! Part of the reason I haven't been blogging as much is because I don't sit in front of the computer very often when I'm not at work. I really just use the home computer once a week to pay bills.
Now that I've found the app, I expect to be blogging more often! Of course, if I still don't, I'm sure my good friend, Oliver, will kick me in my butt every so often! :)
So, I'll "see" you all soon!
Now that I've found the app, I expect to be blogging more often! Of course, if I still don't, I'm sure my good friend, Oliver, will kick me in my butt every so often! :)
So, I'll "see" you all soon!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)